Dear Second Toenail,
I understand that perhaps you are not pleased by my recent foray into running, but it’s time that you accept the situation. Which is that you are clearly unhappy and need to fall off. Building nail upon nail is not going to help. Now that you are a quarter inch thick, you bump into everything, causing even more pain. I do not need more pain. Let go, like the happily nonexistent toenail to your left. Or be purple, like the two at the end. But for God’s sake, do not build another toenail like you apparently enjoy doing. This is not an endurance contest and there will be no rewards for hanging on. I have pliers, and… okay, I am afraid to use them. But I was tough enough to run that half-marathon even with your persistently stabbing protests, so I can guarantee that your days are numbered, one way or another.