D: I bought this fancy-pants thermometer, and it doesn’t even work. 85 degrees my a**. She isn’t frozen.
B: Let me watch you do it.
D: (swiping vigorously). See? 95 degrees.
B: Well, it might work better if you took off the cap.
And there you have it. People with fevers should not be in charge of checking other people for fevers.